Online Dating 101 - Online
Online Dating 101 by Kevin Koger
Feeling like there’s something that’s just not quite
there yet in how you’re going about this whole online dating thing?
Don’t feel bad, chances are you’re one of the many people who’re
still pretty new to this gig. Heck, internet dating has only been
around for about eight years, so obviously no one out there can claim
to have all the answers.
But hey, seeing that we've been perfecting the art of
matching people up online all eight of those years, we’d like to
share a little of what we’ve learned about how to make the best of
your online experience. Who knows, one of these pointers might be
just what you’ve been missing in perfecting your own online dating
Therefore, without further ramblings, here are the:
TOP 10 TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL ONLINE DATING
SAY CHEESE! Look your best and submit a great photo of
yourself for your profile photo. A good picture really is worth a
thousand words, and research shows that you are nearly 10 times more
likely to be noticed if you post a photo to your profile.
And, the same stats hold true when you contact someone
you’ve noticed on the site. If you don’t have a photo, don’t be
surprised if the responses aren’t too quick in coming back.
Now, don’t get mad a start making accusations about all
the shallow people out there. While it may be true that some people
place too much emphasis on physical appearances, the bottom line is
it does make a difference when two people are meeting and making
initial evaluations of their interest in each other. And, it’s also a
trust thing. It is always going to be much easier to interact with a
face than with a blank box.
FRESH IS GOOD Change your profile picture and greeting
occasionally, add photos to your photo album, and login
regularly—this will not only get you noticed, but it will help others
get a more varied and up-to-date idea of what constitutes the real
When something interesting happens in your life, tell
us about it in your profile greeting. This is a great way to let your
online friends in on what it might be like to actually spend time
with you. That’s the main goal of online dating isn’t it, to find
people you’d finally like to meet and spend time with face-to-face?
Anyways, it’s always more fun to hear about a crazy experience you’ve
just had than to read the same old descriptions of you and your cat
that have been on your profile for months now.
As for photo albums, this is the icing on the cake. Not
only do these photos round out and confirm the physical picture your
friends are forming of you, but they also go a long way in helping
others really see what makes you “you.” The head and shoulders shot
of you in your profile photo is nice and all, but when they see you
hanging 10, running with your Chihuahua, or shoving a big fat piece
of cheesecake in your mouth … now they’re getting to know you.
I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME Have fun describing yourself
without making excuses about why you're on the site or who convinced
you to finally go online. Tell us what makes you unique.
Believe it or not, being an online dater no longer
places you on the fringes of society or even in the minority. Online
dating has grown up and moved into the mainstream, and so you can now
happily assume that the face-saving qualifiers of past times online
are now obsolete. And, more importantly, just realize that they don’t
help your cause when meeting others online.
One more thing … try to be original. Yes, I’m sure you
really do like the outdoors and want to meet someone who looks good
in a tux and in jeans, but so does everyone else! Tell us some things
about yourself that wouldn’t necessarily come out in an elevator
conversation with your tax accountant. For example, what are you
passionate about? What would you do if no longer had to work for a
living? What’s your favorite flavor of gelato? Do you secretly wish
everyday was sampling day at the grocery store? … now it’ getting
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY Don't be fooled thinking
telling fibs will impress that special someone enough to get
relationship started... it will turn them off! Be your best self.
When you really stop and think about it, what do you
think your new friend’s reaction is going to be if when you meet for
the first time it’s obvious you’re not the person they thought they
were going to be meeting? “Oh .. hi. I see that you’ve been dishonest
with me from the get-go here, but hey, I’m still thinking we’ve got a
great shot at having an open, trusting relationship for the
long-term” Obviously not.
They’re going to be hurt, and disappointed. And, your
relationship is unlikely to get past the wave goodbye as your friend
gets back in their car to go home.
IT'S NICE TO BE NICE Okay, so you get a little grouchy
once in a while—don’t we all? However, people like nice people.
Please be considerate and polite … it will make this whole online
thing so much more enjoyable for all of us!
There’s an interesting social phenomenon researchers
have discovered in online interactions. They’ve found people often
change their standards of politeness and diplomacy when a
conversation is happening online, versus face-to-face.
Don’t believe it? You might be surprised if you were to
go back and look at some of the things you’ve said. Look at some
messages you’ve sent, and then consider saying the exact same words
in a face-to-face or a telephone conversation. Sound a little rough?
Don’t feel too bad, it happens to the best of us, just try to keep
this in mind the next time you’re typing out an email or instant
One more thing—please don’t ignore people. A quick
“thanks, but no thanks” note is so much better than no reply at all.
In fact, next time you’re replying to a message on the site, check
out the new “Thanks but No Thanks” template. It’s a quick way to
nicely let someone know you’re not interested in corresponding.
YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS … Invite your friends along!
Create Activity Groups, go on group dates, try Express Dating, enjoy
travel events, and just enjoy the net together. After all, instant
messaging alone isn’t enough to build solid relationships.
Group dating and group events simply make a lot of
sense for online dating. Not only does it make those first dates less
stressful, it often makes them more fun, and it definitely makes
first meetings a much safer proposition.
Have you ever tried Activity Groups? They’re a great
way to meet people with common interests in a safe, fun group
setting. You can join a group that’s already been created, or you can
create your own and invite all your friends to join … and their
friends … and their friends … you get the point.
BREAK OUTA THAT SHELL Don’t be afraid to make the first
contact. Online dating makes it easy for all you shy ones out there
to break the ice, because you get to do all the initial getting to
know each other from the comfort and safety of your own computer.
To start, just send a Flirt or a quick email message
saying Hi—and do it often! You might be surprised how many of our
great members suffer from lack of attention from their online peers.
Not only might you find someone with whom you’re very interested in
maintaining contact, but you’ll probably be making someone’s day.
EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS If your first internet efforts
haven’t turned up “the perfect one,” don’t despair. Hundreds of new
people sign up every day on the site, so just come back to see Who’s
New. You may also want to consider expanding your searches—don’t be
too intent on sticking to your itemized checklist for eternal
You might also want to try some different searches from
time to time. Because there are about a million different things you
might find attractive in another person, it’s nice to mix up the
criteria you’re searching on once in a while. For example, you can
search by their Occupation, any Keyword or combination of keywords
you can think of, and many others.
UH OH … THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE FUN! Don’t be afraid to
have some fun along your path to relationship happiness! Enjoy
getting to know people and understand that many happy relationships
and even marriages start with a good ol’ friendship. And, don’t rush
You’ve heard animals can sense fear? Well, we humans
can be pretty perceptive as well (except for that one guy who just
can’t take a hint). So, don’t think others can’t sense when you’re
frustrated, dejected, conceited, holier than thou, fed up, etc. etc.
Put a smile on, and enjoy the ride, because even if the first few
people you meet aren’t Mr./Mrs. Right, it doesn’t mean you can’t have
some fun in good conversations with them.
You may also need to be a little bit patient as you
head off into the brave new world of online dating. Not all marriages
are “love at first site,” and even if yours is, it may take a lot of
looking before you “site” that special someone. And so, once again …
enjoy the ride!
USE YOUR NOODLE Ya know, that gray matter between your
ears? That's your noodle. Use it! Be smart, be cautious, and follow
our safety guidelines, your instincts, and the spirit in all your
Done right, online dating is a lot of fun, and it’s a
great way to meet some wonderful people … just ask the thousand-plus
people we’ve had submit success stories to us in the past few years!
So, enjoy it, and follow these ten tips, and hopefully we’ll be
getting a success story from you sometime soon.
Visit www.metromingle.com today to
meet local singles in your area in a clean and wholesome
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